well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
