i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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