if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
