toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
