Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
