even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize