I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
