I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
