I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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