If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
