I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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