I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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