The best revenge is premature balding
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
