Yo dont text me then not text me
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Are we still banned from the library?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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