I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
