matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
