I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
