then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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