My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
