U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
