1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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