haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
