nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
