my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
