i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I need water and some morals
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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