By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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