Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize