There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
