nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
