I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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