So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
