Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize