My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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