If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
