happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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