I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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