Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
