hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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