I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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