I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
