oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
