Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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