we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
