OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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