I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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