there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize