When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
