Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
