Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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