im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
