my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
