What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
