I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize