you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
