why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
