Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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