Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
