I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
