Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
