Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
