I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
