dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize