the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
