I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
