everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
