I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
