I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
