I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
