i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
