Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
