I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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